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Childhood sweethearts who ended on bad terms ten years ago find themselves in-laws at a domineering matriarch’s Christmas get-together. Will Avery (Lindsay Lohan) survive her critical mother-in-law’s barbs? Will Logan (Ian Harding) successfully court a family friend’s business? And, most importantly: will the two of them be able to pretend they’re strangers?
Despite its seemingly simple (if charmingly cliche) premise, Netflix’s Our Little Secret manages to make all the wrong moves. It overcomplicates the plot with inconsequential antics while ignoring the lynchpin that makes every fluffy, fun-to-watch holiday movie work: the (re)connection between Avery and Logan. The film opens by speed-running their friendship-turned-romance with a lackluster animation sequence, forcing the audience to fill in the emotional gaps of their relationship. Throughout Our Little Secret, we’re told that these two have a storied past, but none of that makes it to the screen; instead, we must suffer through infidelities and blackmailing we have no reason to care about, the woeful underutilization of Kristin Chenoweth (who plays the part of the evil mother-in-law), and a stoner comedy scene that would have felt dated in 2010.
After the release of Netflix’s campy flick Falling for Christmas (2022), audiences can’t be expecting much more from a holiday picture produced and starring Lohan than something light, goofy, and fun. Unfortunately, her newest endeavor is none of this—between the nonsensical storyline built on middle-schooler logic and Lohan’s stiff performance, an uninterrupted sober viewing of this film feels heavy and endless.
If you’re looking for something you can put on mute in the background of family gatherings this holiday season, something that’ll make your mom point to the screen and say, “Hey, there’s that lady from that one movie!” you’ve met your Hallmark-knockoff match. Just don’t get your hopes up. Under the shiny Netflix-feature-film-budget gift wrapping, you won’t find much in Our Little Secret to feel grateful for. TV-14, 101 min.
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